Game 10: Craig Roofing 19, Demons 12

It's true. It's true.

The dream is dead.

Your heroes' dream of an undefeated season came to a screeching halt on a sunny day at dusty Moorman Main. Simply put, we got beat by the better team.

The Roofers hit the ball where we weren't, took advantage of a few Demon fielding miscues early and were never really threatened in snapping the Demons' winning streak at 10 games (dating back to last season.)

It appears we need to win just one of our final two games or have the Beavers lose in order to secure our first ever Division title. (Of course, we might already be sipping some Cristal and smoking some fat victory cigars if the Park District ever updated the damn standings.)

Few Demons were in the mood to celebrate anyway after this whipping. We were down a few troops (Big John Studd, Chuck D and Jim Dandy to name three), but it didn't matter. We hit the ball right too people and didn't have enough to come back.

Even the triumphant return of DOB from the disabled list didn't matter. Jazzy Jeff also gutted it out after injuring himself during last week's win over the Tattooists.

DOB wound up going 2 for 4 in his return, scored once and drove in a run. He's now 12 for 25 with five runs scored and 10 RBI on the season. He also contributed to the line of the night.

The Roofers had a shortstop who was going all out. This guy was diving all over the place for balls, picking up strawberries and scars all over the place. By the time this guy came up for the last time, he had three gaping wounds on his right leg.

So DOB says to him, "You have any more war wounds."

The guy turns to DOB and says, "Just this one."

Then the guy takes off his hat and shows off a huge scar on his head he picked up from Desert Storm.

Seems that the guy fell off a HumVee and suffered a head injury that brought him home early. Luckily the guy laughed off DOB's comment. He's probably some kind of John Rambo green beret and could snap my neck in three seconds.

Nothing else of note happened. We managed to turn two double plays on defense, but our offense flat out stunk for the most part.

All we have left on the schedule are two rainout games. We're off next week and return to Moorman Main at 8 p.m. on Aug. 9. Don't know who our road kill is, and, quite frankly, it doesn't matter.

Maybe if the QPD updates our standings by then we'll know where we stand in regard to our title quest.

Until next time.

Game 9: H-W Demons 16, DT Tattoo 9

Even without their spiritual leader between the white lines, the H-W Demons continued their dominance of Division V at Moorman Main. With DOB out due an knee injury suffered earlier this week during noon ball at the Y, the Demons trudged on and kept their hopes of a dream season alive against a pesky DT bunch.

The Demons put up five spots in the first two innings, held off a Tattoo surge in the middle of the game and put it away with a four-run top of the seventh to push their record to 9-0 and eliminate the Tattooists from the title running, dropping DT to 5-3.

With three games left to play, the Demons have a 2 1/2-game lead on the Merry Beavers depending on what the Beavers (5-2) did in their game Thursday against a tough Uncle Bob's outfit. If Uncle Bob's helped us out, we've clinched at least a tie for the crown and can clinch the title next week.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves before talking about Thursday's festivities. Although there was a lull in the middle innings, the offense was solid again. Shawny continued his torrid hitting, going 4 for 4 with four runs scored from the clean-up spot.

Hitman Hart dumped the losers at the "Footloose" show, where he's playing guitar, and went 3 for 4 with 4 RBI. Nobody puts Rodney in a corner. (I realize that's a "Dirty Dancing" line but aren't all crappy 80s dancing movies the same thing.)

Even though we tripped at home plate twice - Grape Ape and Marky Mark - we survived.

The DT boys had a game plan against Grape Ape: Take as many pitches as possible and hopes he walks everyone. Grape walked six batters, but threw enough meat for them to swing at. He was backed by a rock solid Demons defense. Hitman was solid at short, using all 7 foot, 2 inches of his frame to go up and grab a line drive. He also turned a nice double play to end the second inning.

After filling in miserably for DOB behind the plate (he dropped an easy pop up), the Weamster saved Kriss Kross' bacon in right center field. He made several catches and turned right field into the place where doubles went to die alongside Nick the Quick, who made several catches of his own on a breezy night.

Kriss Kross' suspect play in right-center field (can you say E-10 twice) led to the best line of the night by Shawny.

"You got outplayed by your brother tonight."

Truer words haven't been spoken.

A close second for line of the night goes to the flustered Tattoo member after one of their players was thrown out on a silly base-running play who told Rob Base and I: "This is what's wrong with our team. We have guys who don't come to practice and then complain about why they don't play."

Paging, Allen Iverson.



Thanks for the answer, AI.

By the way, The Demons don't practice. It's really against Division V rules, isn't it?

We'll try to crack the champagne next week when we meet up with Phil Craig Roofing at 6 p.m. at Moorman Main. Barring a setback, DOB should be good to go after a week off. Jazzy Jeff, who injured himself running the bases, could be out and we know we'll be without Chuck D and Big John Studd. Hopefully, we can pull Jim Dandy away from watching his surging Cubs to get him to the park.

Until next week.

Game 8: H-W Demons 12, Cooler Boyz 3

History was made tonight in Division V. For the first time in Quincy Park District Division V history, a player was picked off first base.

God bless the Cooler Boyz.

With two outs and a runner on first in the third inning at Wavering, one of the Cooler Boyz decided to float away from first base after one of his teammates had just whiffed at an offering by Grape Ape. Making like Yadier Molina, DOB noticed the transgression and fired a BB down to first base. The offending Cooler Boy was out by a mile and history was made.

You see, you can't steal in Division V play. The Cooler Boy had no reason to run since his teammate came as close to hitting the ball as the Weamster did to making a diving catch later in the game (or about 10 feet away).

The first base ump was stunned that he had to call someone out on such a play. He was even more shocked that he had to explain the play to the Cooler Boyz for the next inning and a half.

God bless the Cooler Boyz.

Let me get this out of the way. I like the Cooler Boyz, they all seem to be good folk. And they're a great example of nice guys finishing last. They haven't won a game this season and have triumphed just once over the past two summers. It doesn't look like the losing streak is going to end any time soon.

Maybe they'd actually come close to being competitive if they actually knew the rules of baseball. Their captain tried to advance on a ball that Eric B. got a glove one while trying was trying to chase it down in foul territory near third base. But it wasn't just their Cap'n who thought he should have kept running. At least three other Boyz were yelling at him to go to second and were dumbfounded when Cappy was told to go back to home plate to hit. He wound up fouling out on the next pitch, shaking his head on the way back to the dugout.

God bless the Cooler Boyz.

How bad was it for the Cooler Boyz? They were tied with the mighty, first-place Demons 2-2 and got the first two batters in the third inning out. I had said something in the third-base coaches box about it not being our night.

Their third-baseman, Rakers, looks at me and says, "You guys have played us enough, you know how it's going to turn out."

He was right. We broke things open in the fourth inning with seven runs and cruised to our eighth straight win of the season. Nearly everybody contributed to the win. Everyone except Kriss Kross, who struggled against his Cooler co-workers. After playing one of his best games of the season last week, Kriss Kross struggled.

Grape Ape was dominant on the mound. He kept the Cooler Boyz guessing most of the night and even got a strikeout looking. Grape also enticed two foul outs to DOB behind the plate. DOB ripped his hat off both times to make solid plays. If there were a Division V all-star game, DOB would no doubt be the catcher on that team for his prowess. (He's no Mike Piazza though. He went 1 for 4 with an RBI and a run scored. He's now 10 for 21 with four runs scored and nine RBI.)

DOB even had imitators in the field late in the game as Shawny ripped off his cap while running down a ball in left field.

Props to Rob Base for showing up on the day his nuts got cut off. No more Baby Momma drama for him (and he continued to improve his BPG - beers per game - average).

God bless the Cooler Boyz.

For Christmas, I think we should all pitch in and get the Boyz a rulebook for them to read up on. Some extra players wouldn't hurt either. They only have two players on that team - Rueb and the shortstop. It ain't easy going 2 on 10 every week. Not even the best porn stars could do that and live.

At 8-0, we've already tied our win total from last year. We allegedly have a two-game lead in the standings with four games to play. However, the QPD standings haven't been updated since late June. Who knows where we are.

We'll try to make it nine straight next Thursday when we run into DT Tattoo at 9 p.m. at Moorman Main.

Until next week.

Game 7: H-W Demons 16, Waterkotte Construction 8

In the mudpit formerly known as Upper Moorman Park, the H-W Demons continued their quest for their first ever Division V title with a tidy 16-8 victory and a season sweep of the Waterkotte boys.

Just like the last time we faced off, the Demons were in control all game long but couldn't put together the 10-run win.

There were plenty of highlights - both at the dish and on the field. An inspired Kriss Kross (did he get some the night before?) played his best game of the season. He made a diving catch in center field, which may just be the web gem of the season for the Demons. (Of course, he made like a European soccer player in the World Cup after falling down, taking at least a minute to get up, milking the Oscar-award winning performance). He was also spry on the bases, actually running around in the slop and giving it his all.

Kriss Kross must have been inspired by watching his homies (the U.S. Cooler Boyz) fall to 0-for-2007 with a 10-run loss to the Merry Beavers. (Props to roid boy for going oppo field for a dinger during the Cooler Boyz' game. Hopefully, the feds come calling again.)

The Demons scored seven first-inning runs to make sure there would be no doubt about this one. Eric B. led off with an inside-the-park homer. Shawny continued to put on a hitting display never before seen in the Division V ranks. He nailed a three-run dinger in the first and later hit a ball that landed near the new Best Buy later in the game. The H-W's best part-time hire ever, even if he is a Cubs fan.

DOB made his triumphant return after a brief hiatus. He went 1 for 3 with an RBI. His true value was with his glove though. DOB made like Tony Pena behind the plate, snaring a foul pop-up with flawless technique and also tagged a guy out at the plate after taking a BB from Kriss Kross. The guy was only out by about 70 feet. DOB is now 9 for 17 with three runs scored and eight RBI.

No real shenanigans to speak of tonight. The only thing that came close was when Marky Mark hit a pop up between the pitcher and home plate and the pitcher and catcher laid each other out with a brutal collision.

Oh, and Weamster became the first person in the history of Division V softball to actually check his swing on a pitch. Then he went on to counsel others how to hit. Thank you, captain.

We'll try to make it eight in a row next week when we try to take out the winless Cooler Boyz. Game time is 7 p.m. at Wavering.

Until next week.